After seasons of stagnation and little news from Oliver Henderson Park, today directors announced that £2.5 million had been spent on a advanced state of the art training centre. manager Little Ron was there to open it and had a few words to say to anybody who gave a damn.

"Its good to see some investment in the club to help improve our local players, we don't buy good players in so our products need all the help they can get as most of them couldn't fart with out filling there shorts."

5 new youths were also taken on as Leam Lane FC look to get the project back on track but Ron wasn't to impressed.

"Well this latest crop doesn't look great, i doubt they could stay on the dole which is the only job around here, one of them can dribble just not on the pitch and another can shoot, but only intravenously."

On the way out the words "Dazza is a Hairy Dog K**b" were gratified across the new centre wall, Weardhyll Stothard was taken in for for questioning and missed training on his first day.