Forums

Miscellaneous

Just for Laughs

Posted in Off Topic

Deleted club 20 January 2015, 17:30
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against ..."Get this" ... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.

The man sued... .. AND WON

In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."

BUT WHAT COMES AROUND...

After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested ... On 24 counts of arson!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars. He was sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms!!

Deleted club 20 January 2015, 23:47
Made a discovery today

If you are pulled over by the police and they say "Your eyes look red, have you been drinking alcohol"

"Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts" is not the best reply to give.

Other things you should probably not say either include

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
I pay your salary!
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

Deleted club 23 January 2015, 00:01
Just been to see Miranda Hart in a live comedy stand up Gig.

She said "Do you want to hear something funny"

I thought "About time, you have been on for nearly an hour"

Manchester United AFC (Ole Gunnar Solskjaer) 23 January 2015, 00:07
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

[Sorry for language]

Deleted club 23 January 2015, 00:09
In the News: The government is introducing a law to force manufacturers to have plain cigarette packaging in England in 2016.

Me and all my friends agree that this is a good idea.

We all gave up smoking about 5 years ago and once they remove those pictures of disease lungs from the packaging, we'll all be happier smoking again.

The Goon Squad (Vinny) 27 January 2015, 09:34
These energy saving light bulbs are rubbish. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.

Manchester United AFC (Ole Gunnar Solskjaer) 27 January 2015, 16:28
Compos Mentis wrote:
These energy saving light bulbs are rubbish. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Gr8 banter m8

Deleted club 5 February 2015, 07:23
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Manningham FC (HD) 7 February 2015, 11:45
A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."

The Goon Squad (Vinny) 10 February 2015, 01:05
I don't understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Reply